Marriage is a Scam: Here’s Why I Said NO!

Marriage was never part of my plan. For most of my life, I avoided the idea altogether. I believed in independence and building a successful career, and the thought of being someone’s wife or mother just didn’t fit with that vision. I kept my focus on maintaining control over my own life, convinced that marriage would only complicate things.

Even during serious relationships in my younger years, I made it clear that marriage wasn’t on the table. I wanted to live life on my own terms, without the constraints that I thought marriage would impose.

But as I entered my mid-30s, my perspective started to shift in ways I hadn’t expected. I found myself working as the managing editor at eHarmony, surrounded by stories of weddings, happy couples, and the excitement of planning life together. This, coupled with seeing many of my friends settle down and start families, led me to question my long-held beliefs. Was I missing out on something? I began to feel a pang of envy for the first time.

By 2012, after dating someone for five years, I decided that marriage might be the next logical step. Despite his reluctance, I pushed forward with the idea. We got married, but it didn’t take long for me to realize that it was a mistake. I felt trapped in a life I didn’t want, and after four years of unhappiness, I knew I had to leave.

The Reality of Divorce

Ending the marriage was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. My husband didn’t want to let go, and the process dragged on for two long years. It was a sobering experience that taught me a harsh truth: marriage, at its core, is a business transaction. When it was time to part ways, I was legally bound to this person, and the cost of untangling our lives — both emotionally and financially — was immense. It drained me in every sense of the word.

When my divorce was finally finalized in 2016, I made a promise to myself: never again. I had learned my lesson. Marriage wasn’t the fairy tale I had briefly believed it to be. Instead, it felt more like a contract, and when it was broken, it came with severe penalties.

Finding Contentment Without Marriage

About ten months after my divorce, I dipped my toes back into the dating pool. But this time, I was clear about what I wanted — a partnership, not a marriage. I wasn’t looking for anything serious at first, but eventually, I found someone who felt the same way I did about relationships. We’ve been together for five years now, and we’re perfectly happy without the legal ties of marriage.

He’s been married three times, which doesn’t bother me at all. In fact, it makes him more understanding of my viewpoint. We both agree that there’s no need to bring legal paperwork into our relationship. For some, marriage might symbolize security and commitment, but I find those things in our bond without needing a certificate to prove it.

A Life Together Without Legal Ties

In many ways, our lives mirror those of married couples. We live together, share similar interests, and plan for our future. We even co-parent a miniature pinscher named Jonny Cash, who is like our child. We respect each other’s decisions and check in with each other regularly, just like any married couple would. The only difference is that we haven’t signed any legal documents.

Financially, I’m completely self-sufficient. I’ve spent the last two decades building a career that I’m proud of, now serving as a vice president at a fintech company. I make six figures and live comfortably without relying on anyone else. I enjoy keeping my finances separate and having full control over my money. While marriage might offer tax benefits, the cost of losing my independence isn’t worth it.

Lessons from a Life Experience

Looking back, I don’t regret getting married because it led me to where I am now — living authentically and with a partner who’s a perfect match for me. But marriage isn’t for everyone. It’s a huge commitment that shouldn’t be taken lightly.

I wish more people would take the time to really understand what marriage means before diving in. Rushing into it without knowing your partner inside and out can lead to heartache. It’s important to be patient and see your partner through all the seasons of life before making such a significant commitment.

In the end, marriage might be right for some, but I’ve found my happiness outside of it. And that’s perfectly okay.